Shadow Work by Mark Walstrom Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden side. In our daily lives we present a controlled, intelligent, attractive image to the world. And so, unknowingly, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image. We avoid feelings that make us uneasy; anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, lust, shame, and those behaviors that are judged as wrong by the culture; laziness, aggression, addiction, dependency, thereby creating the life of the shadow. Hidden from our awareness, the shadow is not part of our conscious self-image. So it seems to appear out of nowhere, in a variety of behaviors from sarcasm to serious abuse. When it emerges it leaves us ashamed, anxious and disgusted. Whether the shadow takes the form of such self-destructive behaviors as addiction, depression, anxiety, psychosomatic disorders, severe guilt or shame, or whether it takes the form of such destructive behavior toward others as verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, marital affairs, lying, envy, stealing, or betrayal, it brings turmoil and pain. In addition to the individual shadow we are confronted with the collective shadow. Families have their shadow, as well as political, business, and religious organizations. The dark side of human nature is made visible each time we open a newspaper or watch the evening news. In our society we see the impact of shadow excesses everywhere: in an uncontrolled power drive for knowledge and domination of nature in a self-righteous compulsion to help and cure others in a fast-paced, dehumanized workplace in maximization of business growth and progress in materialistic hedonism in a narcissistic desire to control, exploit, and manipulate others in our ever-present fear of aging and death Many forces play a role in forming our shadow selves, ultimately determining what is permitted expression. Parents, siblings, teachers, clergy, and friends create a complex environment in which we learn how to present ourselves in an attempt to win approval and feel safe, accepted, and loved. As children our full range of aliveness, feeling, and dependency was too much for our caretakers to manage day in and day out. Unknowingly, we were betrayed, repressed, neglected, controlled, and shamed to some degree. Our shadow-self remains the hidden, disruptive element that does not want to be known. Denial runs deep because the shadow does not want to be exposed. Its nature is to remain outside of our awareness. Therefore, we need to learn how to catch a glimpse of it when it appears. Then we can connect with it, work with it, and eventually reduce its power to unconsciously sabotage us. The aim of meeting the shadow is to develop an ongoing relationship with it. A right relationship with the shadow offers us the opportunity to uncover our buried potentials. Shadow-work requires perseverance, patience, discernment, and compassion. Meeting the shadow calls for slowing the pace of life, listening to the body’s cues, and allowing ourselves time to be alone in order to digest the hidden messages from the disconnected parts of our self. It requires that we simultaneously embrace both the world of light and the world of darkness. British Jungian analyst Liz Greene points to the paradoxical nature of the shadow as both the container of darkness and the beacon pointing toward light. “The shadow is both the awful thing that needs redemption, and the suffering redeemer who can provide it.” Through shadow-work we can: alter our self-sabotaging behaviors achieve a more genuine self-acceptance based on a more complete knowledge of whom we are defuse the negative emotions that erupt unexpectedly in our daily lives feel more free of guilt and shame associated with our negative feelings and actions recognize the projections that color our opinions of others heal our relationships through more honest self-examination and direct communication open ourselves to our natural talents and creativity that are buried We can no longer afford to deny the shadow’s existence, pretending to be naive and believing we are immune from its reach. And we cannot afford to look too directly at the shadow for too long for risk of going numb. Instead, we need to cultivate an attitude of respect towards the shadow to see it honestly without dismissing it or being overwhelmed by it. When shadow-work is neglected there are lingering feelings of depression, anxiety, loneliness and emptiness. There is a sense of not belonging, being cut off from a sense of place, cut off from self, others, and the sacred. But when shadow-work is attended to, the soul feels full, the mind is awake, the heart is open, and the sacred is aroused. A good place to start shadow-work is the Greek myth of Odysseus, which offers a hint about what to do when you feel blown about by the strong winds of emotion or caught in repetitive thought-patterns or compulsive behaviors. It provides an image of how to cultivate a state of mind that can remain centered in the middle of the emotional turmoil until there is a break from your unconscious identification with the shadow. It is essential to develop the capacity for self-observation, which is also known as witnessing. When you can witness your thoughts, feelings, and sensations with some detachment, you can experience them fully without being over-whelmed by them. Some of the specific tools used for accessing the unconscious include drawing, writing, movement, dream journaling, ritual, and active imagination. Working with a therapist who is familiar with shadow-work can often make the difference between simply gaining insight into the shadow and actually being able to explore it in depth and integrate it in healthy ways. Learning to live with the shadow is a life-long challenge. The territory is vast and the task is demanding but the rewards are profound. It is helpful to relate to the shadow as a mystery, rather than a problem to be solved or an illness to be cured. When the shadow arrives, welcome it as your guest. You may discover it comes bearing gifts. Mark Walstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He can be contacted at (616) 222-9857.